Alpha, moi?
Day 1: Oliver snubs Hugo, then goes to sulk in basket. When asked ‘How are you doing Ollie bollie?’ replies that salami might appease him, but it will have to be an awful lot and accompanied by a belly rub. Instigates battered dog routine.
Day 2: Oliver realizes that Hugo is not just here for the weekend. Fine tunes battered dog routine. Hugo attempts to infiltrate Oliver’s basket. O. does very excellent Cujo imitation (8.5!). H. retreats, and goes to lie in his own basket. Sighs then passes out.
Day 3: a.m. Hugo allows Oliver to use him as a chewy toy. Amidst yelps and growls, owners check dog books again for advice. “Let them work it out” is the consensus. ‘Oh, crud,’ they concur.
Morning walk: Oliver delights in leaping over streams with astonishing grace and in watching Hugo tumble, get sopped and fumble up hillsides, stopping from time to time, mid-scramble, for a snooze.
p.m. During afternoon nap time, Hugo successfully infiltrates Oliver’s basket. They lie side by side, waiting to see what will happen next. Fifteen minutes later, battle for squeaky toy ensues. Ends in a draw and violent death of squeaky toy.
Day 4: a.m.: Hugo & Oliver bond over tormenting the cat. Oliver spins prostrate cat round and round and round on the floor with front paw as Hugo gallops behind the spin, growling and holding cat’s tail in his mouth. They then release the cat and bark like idiots for 5 minutes, winding up the celebrations over a bowl of water. Much dribbling and high fouring.
p.m.: Hugo waits until Oliver is out of the room then goes to lie in his basket. Oliver returns and attempts to enter said basket. Hugo does superior Cujo imitation (9.6!); Oliver retreats and goes to lie in Hugo’s basket (which is roughly the size of his head). Sighs and begins to reassess notions of self-worth.
Day 5: Oliver asks Hugo whether he would like a side order of bacon with his breakfast, and how would he like his eggs. Hugo rolls over onto back saying, ‘whatever, and make sure my suit is pressed and ready by nine.’
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